Did I ever tell you about the time I came home from work and decided to made macaroni for dinner? I boiled macaroni, mixed cheese into it, put it in the oven to bake, and fell asleep. The next morning at 8am I woke up on the couch. The apartment smelled deliciously of chocolate chip cookies. Surprisingly, the macaroni came out of the dish in one black, rocklike mass, not sticking, right into the trash.

Speaking French

Not ever good at it. Wanted to be though. Am supposed to be smart, but brain is wired some kind of wrong way to acquire languages.

Given up in 2007, when Rosetta Stone software removed from computer to make room for Matlab.

Bass guitar

Not really good; however, have a punk sensibility that might have carried me. Unfortunately always in bands that played Skynyrd and BOC.

Last band was 1996. Given up in 1997 when bass sat for one year out, untouched, then put away.

Trumpet

Mediocre, but with a few moments. Requires arrogance, which I have. Unfortunately also requires practice.

Given up in 1992 with college; regiven up in 1998. Does have a perk: to this day can sing from music provided I also make valve motions with fingers.

Drawing

Fairly decent at it. Not possessed by genius, but functional. Five good years of life, stated goal was to write and draw for Marvel Comics. Now Marvel Comics look like a horrible cross between an Ed Hardy shirt and Photoshop to me.

Slowly given up as Rapidograph tip dries and breaks between projects; easier and less frustrating to doodle with a Bic pen. Last big project was 2003. If Great Depression happens, perhaps will retire to draw street scenes in a medium-sized city.

Future projects to give up: Running, Writing, Science.

I'm 20 years old, in Book Star, a store in Nashville. Walking past the New Releases section, I see a well-dressed, good-job-having man browsing. Suddenly he springs into action and reaches for a hardback book titled: The Book of Completely Useless Information.

I think: That guy has no focus.